It’s a classic tale I tell today about two friends who have lived next door for almost their whole lives. The younger friend, M, grew up with irresponsible alcoholics and battled depression, drug use and excessive drinking. The older friend, D, tried to help by offering to have her move in and get away from the toxic family environment. Except several years later M still battles depression and excessive drinking, no effort made to change her behaviors.
D, who is a wife, mother and college student, has dealt with M’s drinking, poor choices and the drama that comes with that for several years now. D has gotten increasingly more stressed out watching M skip college classes, invite underage co-workers over to get drunk, trash her area of the house, leave alcohol where it’s accessible to her daughters, be drunk in general around her daughters, drive drunk and throw continued pity parties for herself. After repeated attempts to help M address her alcohol dependency with no success D decided she’s had enough and asked M to break the lease and move out. M has simply been ignoring her ever since the request was made.
I have no advice to offer really. I support D’s decision because I don’t think M has any desire to change her destructive behaviors and it isn’t fair to D or her family to have to deal with the repercussions of M’s choices. I also know that there are specific and serious underlying triggers that cause M’s behaviors and I don’t know what she will do if D cuts her out of her life. Will this be M’s wake-up call? Will she use this as an excuse to try to end her life? Maybe she will just quit college and move back in with her alcoholic parents. I don’t know. I don’t even know how D is going to get M out of her house if M refuses to acknowledge the eviction notice. I am just glad I am not the one who lives with an alcoholic. I don’t think I could handle it. Any advice?