This whole week has just been an exercise in frustration. There continues to be “restructuring” at work where the other arm of our parent company keeps giving us departments that aren’t doing so well (we are the arm of the company that makes the money and has the effective practices) and the new departments refuse to conform to our process/procedures and instead are trying to bully us into adopting their way of doing things. If they had a legitimately better way of doing things I could understand, but they don’t. We put in the hard work over 5 years ago to streamline, lean out and improve every process we have. We saved over a million (yearly) in operating costs by doing it, increased our productivity by 32% and dropped our DOI complaints down to 0 for the last 5 years, which they never did, they are still where we were 6 years ago. Yet this other department (because we got their director in the restructuring) seems to think that anything we do that they don’t is unnecessary. They don’t want to change so they expect us to. It is a terrible strategy from a business standpoint. They don’t have a “me” over there. My position simply doesn’t exist, although it should, and this director is working so hard to eliminate a huge portion of my position even though it goes against our entire program and set procedures. Everyone is too scared to challenge her and it is so stressful to feel so helpless. I don’t think my employment is in jeopardy but what exactly is she expecting me to do if she eliminates 50% of my daily work? There are some pretty tedious duties on my team that I have zero interest in participating in and the idea of having to face that everyday would be akin to suicide of the soul. I couldn’t handle the insult, and it would be an insult and complete waste of talent more than is already in place. I did have a lovely dinner with SM Tuesday night. We went to Spoon & Stable for a belated birthday dinner, my treat, and SM really enjoyed getting to eat at an upscale restaurant with legitimately good (quality) food. I think I would have been more impressed if I hadn’t already been to Alma a couple months ago. Once you’ve been there, it’s pretty hard to top it. I’ll have to take SM one of these days, told her to save up about a hundred and we’d go. It’s a shame I could never take husband, I don’t think he’d enjoy those kinds of menus. Still it was an excellent meal and I was happy to eat with someone else who appreciated the time and thought that went into making it.
Wednesday, more stress, more frustration. I felt like I was trapped in a circle of negativity. I would try to focus on the positive but it seemed like I was surrounded by nothing but incompetent people, stupid people, annoying people and hateful computers that were determined to malfunction. Everything and everyone made me want to crawl into bed and stay there until I could see some sunshine. It took me all day and a really good belly laugh to finally be able to push the negative veil away just long enough to come up with a handful of things to “love” that day. That negative veil is like a block that traps you inside, unable to access the parts of your brain where joy and happiness and positive thoughts reside. You know they are there, but they are just out of reach and somehow that makes the whole situation worse. I got the all clear from my doctor so that was a ray of positive I could cling to that would help drag me away from that negative veil. Indulged in some Chinese (comfort) food after a long day at work, which helped a smidgen. The Twins won their game against the Cardinals so there was something else I could put in the positive corner. I still felt so full of irritable emotions though. I hope that my flight on Saturday doesn’t get cancelled due to weather. Rain is in the forecast and I don’t know how safe it is to be in a twin engine in inclement weather. I don’t want my first experience flying to scar me into not wanting to fly. I love to fly, I don’t want to jeopardize that. Maybe if the weather is bad I can work something out with them because my voucher expires the end of the month. Who knows. I am going to try and think positively and hope that I can kick out of the funk soon.