I barely slept Friday night. Husband had been stressing out about being “unfriended” by his family members and charged me with smoothing things over when they showed up the next day. So many strategies swirled around in my head, I could feel the acid building up in my stomach, sleep was a distant goal I never quite connected with. When the sun broke the horizon my fitful dozing fled with the dark and I found myself rolling out of bed rather early, bathed in a flood of anxiety.
Several hours later Z showed up with his mom to collect his room full of belongings. It was awkward. Husband refused to come out of our bedroom. He would send me texts instructing me to make sure Z didn’t abscond off with our power strip or HDMI cable. I felt my stress level get higher. I stopped Z’s mom on one of her trips down the stairs and told her I wanted to talk before they left. Eventually I wandered upstairs and glanced into the room Z had been staying in. Power strip and HDMI cables safely left behind I mustered up my resolve and broke the silence.
I explained as nicely as I could that the situation had changed and the stress was just too high to accommodate Z any longer in my house. It was the only aspect of shittiness I could control and my mental and physical health demanded it. I told them about how upset husband was and how that was even more stress on me. I pleaded with them to please understand and to let husband know that they would get over the minor setback and there wasn’t going to be tension at the next family gathering. I told Z we weren’t holding a grudge and that if he needed to blame someone he could blame me for being evicted as tears streamed down my face.
Before they left they asked me to go get husband. They told him there were no hard feelings, he helped them load the last of Z’s belongings and after they left husband’s mood greatly improved. I was relieved because moody husband is my least favorite husband. I walked outside shortly after to look at my garden and calm down. As I circled it I glanced down and noticed a large 5 leaf clover nestled in by a small violet.
Took it inside and taped it to my white board on the fridge. Hoping it is an omen that things will take a turn for the better.
Spent Sunday morning volunteering with hundreds of other people (and SM and her daughter) to clean up the Minnehaha creek. People are so dirty! There was so much garbage everywhere. SM and I got a little over 4 pounds of garbage ourselves and I think overall over 4 tons of garbage was collected by all the volunteers.
It is a bit astonishing to me that we could pull 8,000 pounds of garbage from just a small stretch of water. SM’s daughter was a big help and I told her about the large garbage cities in other countries and why it was important to not litter and to always clean up after ourselves. Hoping the lesson sticks with her.
Monday I got to work and SO’s sister (who works in the building over from me) had left me some CDs on my desk. I suspect they are inspirational Christian songs. I appreciated the intention, although I am dubious as to the actuality of me enjoying them. My musical tastes lay elsewhere but I will have a listen and if they aren’t my cup of tea I will pass them along to my mom who would probably get much more out of them than I would. It was a really nice gesture though.
I am just keeping my fingers crossed that the 5 leaf clover is a jumping off point for positive events. It can’t rain all the time right?