Friday night I went to stay at my mom’s house because I was going to be driving her to and from my cousin’s wedding 3 hours away Saturday. I thought I would be sleeping on the couch out in the the season porch like I normally do but my mom waited till I had situated myself to ask me if I wouldn’t mind letting her sleep out there and would I please just sleep in her bedroom.
Her bedroom used to be my bedroom before I moved out. I had, in my teenage years, expressed my angst and creativity all over that room. The walls were a hodgepodge of paint colors and textures. The doors to the closet and room were covered in drawings, song lyrics, tags from my friend and comic strips I thought were funny. I even had fantasy graphic wall plates on the light switches.
When I moved out in my early 20s my brother took over that room, when he had his daughter my parent’s gave him their downstairs master and moved back upstairs. In the eleven years since it was last my room no one had ever bothered to repaint or replace any of the doors or wall plates.
Not only was it weird to sleep in my parent’s bed, avoiding what used to be my dad’s side at all costs and sleeping on top of the covers, but it was doubly weird to look up and see the same painted ceiling and glowing stars on the closet door like I had thousands of times before. The other thing that was keeping me up all night was the palpable feeling of sadness and depression that was pushing at me from all directions. You could literally sense the sorrow and it permeated every inch of that room. I did not get much sleep and there were no dreams which is weird for me.
Saturday arrived and my mom dragged her feet getting ready to leave but eventually we got on the road and headed west. Eventually we got to the church and waited for the ceremony to start. It was a small wedding and, I later found out, purely ceremonial as my cousin remains married to his first wife still, the divorce not yet finalized, so I drove all that way for a charade. Oh well, it kept my mom’s mind semi off the fact that it would’ve been her 35th wedding anniversary that day.
Made the long drive back to my mom’s and then grabbed my stuff and drove myself home. It was more than enough time spent in the car for one day. I am happy that I did not get any salmonella poisoning from the raw chicken that was nestled into the salad I shared with my mom at the Mexican restaurant in Little Falls. Got home and fell into bed.
Spent Sunday working on the basement trying to figure out how to reconnect all the switches and outlets we had to disconnect to work on the walls. Small progress but progress nonetheless.
Hoping that this feeling goes away soon and my countdown to vacation starting is now down to only 4 days away. Hoping nothing happens to prevent that much needed relaxing family time.