Paint, Piss & Death

I walked inside my back door tonight to the smell of fresh paint, death and human urine…

The paint I didn’t mind so much, husband decided the main floor living room and hallway ceiling needed a fresh coat of paint. I thought the ceilings were fine though the walls could’ve used another coat. I’m used to having to endure people fixing things that aren’t broke in lieu of taking care of legitimate issues, what’s one more?

The smell of death has been pinpointed to the area behind my washer/dryer. I think the white cat brought a mouse in and it’s perished back there somewhere. I asked husband to move them so I could look but instead he built a skill course for his drone rental business and then fell asleep on the couch, so I went out to dinner with a lady friend.

As I walked inside tonight I immediately took a deep breath and held it walking past the laundry area so as to not gag on the stench. I hurried into the bathroom and breathed a sigh of relief only to notice the floor was wet with splatters leading towards the toilet. As I approached the bowl I smelled the unmistakable odor of urine, it was like the smell of a seedy stairwell in a grimy downtown parking lot. I looked down and there was urine pooled to the left of the bowl, splashed onto the sides of my vanity and dripping down my trash can. The bottom of the vanity was soaked in it, as well as an errant tissue that had fallen besides the trash can.

I called for my husband to come explain why the floor was covered in pee. He shrugged and tried to blame the cat. I told him it smelled like human pre and had clearly originated from the toilet bowl as there was also urine drops on the back of the bowl behind the seat. He shrugged again and said maybe it was his friend from earlier who helped him paint. I had used the bathroom before I left though, which was after his friend had gone home and there was no pee then. He shrugged and said he’d been sleeping on the couch the whole 4 hours I was gone. I told him next time he sleep-peed to please do it inside the bowl or he’d have to clean it up. He got upset and said it wasn’t him. I told him the urine was fresh, the pee-soaked tissue still warm, he made no comment and went back to sleep.

I don’t think I ever imagined having to spend my Friday night mopping piss off my bathroom floor, scrubbing pee off my trash can and trying to figure out how to get urine out of particle board. Yes I know I said I want a baby but jeez there’s better ways to prepare me.

I still need to get rid of whatever dead thing is stinking up my laundry area, maybe I will be able to put that down for tomorrow’s what’s going right installment.

13 thoughts on “Paint, Piss & Death

  1. Well, look at the bright side – it sure wasn’t a woman who peed all over your floor and garbage can – so your hubby isn’t fooling around while you are gone. 😀

  2. My husband has trouble waking up completely at times. Not too long ago I was awakened in the middle of the night to my husband rummaging around my craft stuff (it’s in our bedroom at the moment). He threw my sewing machine on the floor and kept floundering about. I got up and asked him what he was doing and he said he was looking for the bathroom. I had to walk him to the bathroom and thankfully he woke up enough to hit the target. Oh, and rotting carcasses are the worst!

  3. My husband has the en-suite bathroom all to himself which he cleans himself too. He isn’t too badly behaved pee-wise. I prefer to go along the hall to the family bathroom. My first husband was a stinker and like April I had to make sure he didn’t pee in the wrong place. I had to turf him out of my walk-in wardrobe and another time he had walked naked out of our apartment front door and down the main stairs to the outside door. Fortunately I caught him before he got right outside. Why do men deny the obvious? This is where they don’t grow up.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s